Our Choices
by Julia Rose
Summary: What would life be like for the Potters if Sirius had remained their Secret Keeper? What if the one event Harry wishes he could have changed never had happened? Sometimes the things most wished for are not to be touched, and life for MWPP, Lily, and Har
1. Chapter I: Prologue The Choice

'It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. '

            -Albus Dumbledore, _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_, UK Edition, p 245

Our Choices 

**_Disclaimer_**: I do not own Harry Potter; JK Rowling and Warner Bros have that happy task.  I own essentially nothing. I certainly don't make profit off this.

**_A Note_**:  This story explores what would happen if Lily and James Potter had not died on 31 October 1981.  I suppose it should be considered an 'Alternate Universe,' or 'What if?' fan fiction.  It will deviate drastically from Harry Potter canon, but the characters and most situations will remain the same.  It is rated 'PG-13' for language, alcohol, minor drug references, perhaps mild sexuality and violence.  Not to mention werewolves, which can be a rating unto themselves.

**Chapter I:  Prologue- The Choice**

23 October 1981, 11.30 am 

            Sirius Black paced up and down the sitting room of his new flat.  He had only moved out of his best friends' house a few days prior, being very nearly twenty-one and having run away from home at age sixteen.  He interrupted his rather distressed thoughts to unceremoniously shove a few trinkets onto a high shelf.  Lily Potter, his best mate's wife, had insisted on sending various small porcelain and glass miniatures to help him 'decorate.'  Sirius rather thought that she simply hadn't wanted them either.  He stepped back to admire his 'handiwork' and snorted in disgust at a ruddy-faced cherub; he covered its fat face with a packing tissue.      

Snapping his head back in remembrance of something very unpleasant, Sirius was brought back to the reason for his distress.  He flopped himself down miserably onto the decrepit couch that had come along with the flat and sighed miserably.  He stared angrily at the ceiling for a few moments, clearly lost in thought.

'But _why_ has he chosen _me!_'  Sirius hissed rather loudly to the empty room. 'Doesn't the prat know that they'll come looking for me _first_?!'

Sirius replayed the conversation he had had with James and Lily Potter the night before over again in his head:

~22 October 1981, 9 o'clock~ 

_'Sirius, I need to talk to you,' James Potter said quietly after dinner, his usually bright features covered by an uncharacteristically grave expression._

_'Not _now_, you git.  I'm playing with ickle Harry,' Sirius dismissed, cradling his small godson, Harry, in the crook of his arms.  The boy was gurgling something that sounded peculiarly like 'Pa'foo!'_

_'I'm serious,' James said adamantly reaching out to take the baby from Sirius' embrace._

_'No, I'm Sirius,' Sirius replied quietly, using the old joke as he always had.  Seeing that James' arms were still outreached for his son, he added, 'S'alright, James, I'll take him up.'_

_Sirius softly carried Harry up the stairs to his waiting mother, settling him in his crib with a gentleness that often surprised his friends.  _

_'Pa'foo's got to go see to your father, young Harry.  Mind you behave yourself for your mother,' Sirius murmured as he rumpled the child's hair, smiling benignly to himself as Harry gave a miniscule yawn, his bright green eyes dimming as his eyelids began to droop._

_With a final glance, Sirius had exited the room softly, Lily close on his heels.  It always meant trouble if Harry Potter was awakened._

_'Good, Lily, I'm glad you're here, too,' James said, looking up from his seat by the fire.  He had sunk wearily into a winged armchair, waiting for Sirius to return.  _

_'So, what's this about, eh?  Any more babies you want me to godfather?' Sirius asked carelessly, leaning back into the Potters' couch.  _

_'Sirius, we've decided who we want as Secret Keeper,' James explained, looking even graver than he had all night.  Sirius' heart plummeted down onto his flip-flopping stomach.  They couldn't _possibly_ want him…_

_'Good!  Well, I don't see why you're telling me.  The Secret Keeper ought to remain a _secret_, right?'  Sirius laughed nervously, hoping that what he feared wasn't coming true._

_'No, Sirius,' Lily said kindly, lightly resting her delicate hand on his forearm, 'James and I want _you_ to do it.'_

_'But, no-' Sirius spluttered, '-Dumbledore!  Not me!  Are both of you so thickheaded you won't listen to Dumbledore!? The Death Eaters know how close we are!  Voldemort knows how close we are!  If you let me do it, we'll all be dead the second the Charm is finished!'_

_'Sirius, I won't have anyone else protecting our family.  You're the only one I trust with our lives,' James sighed, apparently having anticipated Sirius' reaction.   _

_'__You don't trust _Dumbledore_ with your lives, then?  After all he's done, after all he's accomplished for the Order?'  Sirius asked rhetorically._

_'That's just it, Sirius.  We don't want to burden Dumbledore with something else.  The poor dear's got enough on his plate just now,' Lily said impatiently, 'why can't you just do this for us?'_

_'Oh, so you're just going to burden me with it, is that it!?'  Sirius raised his voice, immediately wishing he had not._

_'_No_, Sir, that's not what she meant, it's just-' James began, but Sirius cut him off._

_'Just _what_?'_

_'If you can't handle it, then we'll get someone else to do it.'  James replied hotly.  _

_'What?  Do you think I'm bloody _scared_?'  Sirius asked incredulously, raising his eyebrows in uncontained indignation, 'I would _die_ for you, James.'_

_'Well, you're not acting much like it, are you?'  James mocked angrily, but Sirius had had enough: he grabbed James by his collar and shook him roughly.  Lily looked on a bit worriedly._

_'Don't you fuck with me, James!  You know what my life's been like.  You, Harry and Remus and Lily are the only real family I've got, and you know I'd do _anything_ for you,' he let off his grip on James and pushed him back into his chair by the fire, 'I just don't want any of you to get hurt because of me…' he trailed off with an almost pleading tone.  _

_'It's OK, Sirius.  You don't have to if you don't want to.  James and I would just like you to think about it, that's all,' Lily said softly, facing him and resting her hands lightly on his shoulders in a reassuring sort of way._

_'Yeah. Ok,' Sirius said testily, brushing Lily away as he turned towards the exit.  _

_'Sirius, we didn't mean-' Lily started._

_'Yes, we did,' James intervened, 'he's just a ugly git coward.'_

_Sirius said nothing, but brusquely jerked his jacket from the coat closet and shoved his arms into it._

_'Sirius, please don't leave like this.  It's not good to go to sleep angry,'Lily reasoned.  Sirius gave a very rude hand gesture as he picked up his motorbike helmet and headed towards the door._

_'At least take this with you,' Lily enticed, holding up a rather large cardboard box. _

_'What is it?'  Sirius asked, puzzled.  He forgot his irate state for a moment as he stared quizzically at the package; it seemed to be held together with a large quantity of duct tape._

_'Decorations for you new flat of course!  I won't have you living all alone in some drab grey place with no manner of hominess at all!'  Lily said, dropping the box, which clinked internally, into his hands._

_'Lily, you really don't need to do this.  I really am quite fine-' Sirius assured, wondering what manner of 'decoration' could possibly be chinking around in the tattered package._

_'No, no.  I _insist,_' she said, the grin on her face a little too wide and the tone in her voice a bit too determined.  _

_'Fine.  I'll be in touch tomorrow,' he said, reaching for the doorknob._

_'Think about what we've talked about,' James admonished sternly._

_'I will,' Sirius answered truthfully, bracing himself for the chill of the night air.  He strode quickly from the Potters' home to his motorbike and revved it up.  As much as he loved flying it, occasionally he felt freer riding it the muggle way.  He let his problems go as he raced off into the mist of the cool fall night.      _

_~Friday, 23 October 1981, Noon~_

Sirius supposed he ought to get up off the couch and forage for something to eat, but he couldn't bring himself to roll his body off it. He stared blearily around at all the empty beer bottles that were carelessly flung about on the coffee table and floor. It had been a rough night. He didn't know anymore what was right and what was wrong. All he could consider was Harry, and what he would do to himself if anything ever happened to that kid.

Why James thought that _he_ would be a good Secret Keeper, Sirius couldn't discern. He had always been the very worst at lying unless it was important, and the Death Eaters were certain to come after him first. He was the obvious choice, which clearly made it the wrong choice to make. Sirius was sure that this had something to do with Dumbledore. That man always had his own agenda, and usually didn't see fit to inform anyone else. He supposed that Dumbledore knew what he was doing, but he often questioned whether they should place all their strength and knowledge into one man. An _old_ man at that. He had heard that Dumbledore was some kind of powerhouse in his day, but Sirius had yet to see a demonstration of this. Yes, overall what bothered Sirius the most was the way James was willing to risk his, Lily's and Harry's lives on the advice of a man that had yet to reveal his grand scheme. 

It was obvious that Dumbledore had advised the Potters to choose Sirius as Secret Keeper, but he still couldn't see how that could benefit anyone. He couldn't believe that a man who was supposed to know everything could believe such bullshit. Sirius had told James the truth the previous night- he _would_ die for them- but then there were ways of extracting information without consent. Even as a junior Auror, Sirius wasn't sure he was up to fighting an Imperius Curse from the Dark Lord himself.

If Dumbledore was right, Sirius would never say another word against him, but if Lily and James-or Harry- were to be harmed because of a mistake… 

There was only one thing for it- he would have to talk to Dumbledore. He would have to do it now- the threat of Voldemort was very real, and growing greater by the moment. Sirius banished his empty beer bottles to the rubbish bin, pulled out his wand, and with a great CRACK, he had vanished from the drawing room and reappeared in Hogsmeade a split second later.

_~Friday, 23 October 1981, 6.23 pm~___

 'I'll do it, James, just get Dumbledore here before I change my mind,' Sirius said quickly, a note of urgency in his voice as he arrived outside the Potters' door.

'You'll- You'll do it? Just like that? Why-' James asked excitedly, checking the street for eavesdroppers before beckoning Sirius in.

'Let's not talk about it just now. I've talked to Dumbledore, and we've agreed on what to do. Let's just get this over with.' Sirius said wearily- he was still a bit hung-over from his night of comfort drinking, and he had had a rather exhausting talk with Dumbledore for a long time that afternoon.

'Ok, but why do we need Dumbledore? I thought only you, Lily, and I had to be present for the Fidelius Charm,' James said as he led Sirius into the drawing room, where Lily was gently nursing Harry.

'You'll see.'

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

END OF CHAPTER ONE                                                   

**_Author's Notes:_**

Hullo all.  It has come to my attention that this story is wrought with errors of the grammatical sort.  Honestly, 'pored' instead of 'poured'?  I must have been on crack.  So I am revising it and will continue the story soon, with a bit of help.  Thanks to all who reviewed, and I will post the new chapter as soon as it had been polished and edited.  This story is going to take a slightly different route than I had originally planned, and that's why it has been so long since the last update- but I think it will be well worth the wait.  

As always, _review_.  


	2. Chapter II: Hallowe'en

'It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. '

            -Albus Dumbledore, _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_, UK Edition, p 245

Our Choices 

**_Disclaimer_**:  How do I own Harry Potter?  Let me count the ways… one… two… hmmm…three- oh, wait!  Hold on!  I don't actually own it!  I suppose I got just a bit confused, there, and thought for a moment that I was _JK Rowling_ or _Warner Brothers, Inc._  I am not actually either of those persons/franchises, so I suppose I'm doing this purely for fun ;).  

**_Author's Notes_**:  This is a story which explores the world Harry Potter as it would be if Sirius Black had remained the Potters' Secret Keeper, and not changed to Pettigrew.  I suppose it should be considered an 'Alternate Universe,' or 'What if?' fan fiction.  It is rated 'PG-13' for language, alcohol, minor drug references, perhaps sexuality and domestic disturbance types of violence.  Not to mention werewolves, which can be a rating unto themselves.

**Chapter II: Hallowe'en 1981**

_~Saturday, 31 October 1981, 5.47 pm~_

            'Why isn't he here yet?  I'm really getting worried…' Lily Potter wrung her hands anxiously as she peered out of the sitting-room window.  Her husband was strongly and distastefully reminded of Lily's sister, Petunia, for one horrifying moment.

            'It's alright, love, he's not due for another ten minutes,' James Potter reassured, seizing her hands gently and bringing them slowly up to his lips, 'there's nothing for you to worry about.'  Lily blushed a bit as her husband grinned mischievously at her.  There had been little time for romance since Harry had been born a few months prior. 

            'But what if he's early?'  Lily teased, grinning as well, 'you'd never live it down if he-' but sadly for Lily Potter, her husband cut her off with a rather passionate kiss.  James guided Lily towards their couch and gently cradled her in his lap.  Just as he ran his fingers through her long, auburn hair, Lily began to kiss him back fiercely.  

            'Oh!'  Lily cried out suddenly, 'The doorbell!  I'll get it.'  She hurriedly straightened her orange and black satin Hallowe'en dress and readjusted her hair.  She flung open the Potters' front door to reveal Sirius Black leaning cockily against their door post, dressed frightfully as Count Dracula himself.  

            'Good evening, young woman,' he said slowly, careful to pronounce the words so that his flashing canine teeth would be sure to show prominently, and using a heavily accented voice that he clearly thought sounded Transylvanian.  Clearly he had never been to Transylvania.

            'Oh, hullo Sirius.  You're early!'  Lily told him, stepping aside to allow him to enter after carefully checking to make sure no one was out listening in.  

            Sirius swept dramatically across the entry to the sitting room and seated himself across from James.  James was still sitting sprawled on the couch, his glasses askew, his hair rumpled (well, more rumpled than usual, though how Sirius could tell the difference no one could say), and his Hallowe'en jumper pulled up as though someone had half-way removed it.

            'Hope I did not, _interrupt_, anything,' Sirius continued in his fake accent, looking slyly at James.

            'No!'  James explained, his voice cracking, 'Er- no.  Lily and I were, er, showing Harry all the sweets!'  He gestured to Harry, who was quite busy using his small digits to unwrap as many sweets as possible from the huge holiday basket that had been left within his reach.  

            'So,' Sirius asked cautiously, 'how are _things_?'

            'Well, we're all ready for the party.  Everyone's all set to arrive at half-past- Lily's got the Polyjuice ready so you can take it whenever you want, and as you can see, Harry is prepared for the party to start.'  James recapped.  Harry sat contentedly with a festive pacifier alternating between his mouth and his toes, dressed up as the fattest pumpkin Sirius had ever seen.  

            Sirius smiled at his godson and began gibbering at him in a nonsense language.  Harry laughed as only a baby can, and grabbed hold of Sirius' abnormally long fangs.  

            'Mind that he doesn't cut himself, now Sirius.  Be careful.'  Lily warned fearfully, eying the tips of Sirius' teeth with newfound precaution.

            'Bugger off, Red, you know I'm always extra special careful with gourds.'  He dismissed, picking up the orange sphere that engulfed Harry and bouncing it on his black-clothed knee.  Lily wrapped her arm around her husband's waist as a very convincing Count Dracula bouncing her pumpkin of a son to the time of an old Beatles' song.  

            'They really are sweet together,' James murmured softly into Lily's wonderful hair.

            'Yes,' she replied, looking at her son and Sirius, though not really seeing them.

            'We could probably leave Harry with him some weekend if we wanted to take a mini-break…' James continued in a low voice.

            'No, we can't,' Lily swatted her husband playfully, 'Harry's much too young to be left alone like that.  Besides, we can't really be thinking about things like _mini-breaks_ just now.  The wars still on.'  Before her husband had a chance to respond, Lily's pale face had gone a shade of crimson that outshone her hair:

            'SIRIUS BLACK!'  She bellowed, swelling up like an enraged bull and striding over to her son, 'WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT DOING THAT IN MY HOUSE!?'

            'Sorry, Lily, I just for-' Sirius shrank away from her, holding Harry protectively so as to shield him from his mother.

            'You _FORGOT_?  Do you want Harry to _die_?  You could be _killing _him right now!'  Lily raged on.

            'Sorry, I-' Sirius began again.

            'You thought you'd just light up in my house?  With the baby in your lap?  What were you _thinking_?'  Lily raised her wand angrily, and Sirius flinched.  With a sharp wave of her wand, the lit cigarette in Sirius hand had been turned into a freshly sharpened pencil.

            '_This_,' she continued, snatching the pencil from him and tossing it into a drawer with about one hundred of its fellows, 'is to remind you of how many times you've done this to me- done it to _Harry_.  And if you _ever-_'  

            'Lily, love, let's go and see if the next batch of cookies are ready, come on.'  James rescued Sirius from another furious diatribe and led her into the adjoining kitchen. 

            'You're mum's in a right state, kid, I hope you don't get _her_ temper,' Sirius told Harry softly.

            '_Pa'foo!_' Harry cooed happily, clutching at the black satin cape Sirius had jauntily thrown about his shoulders.  Sirius watched quietly as James pored Lily a strong shot of some sort of liquor and she drank it down quickly.  She then giggled and tossed a handful of flour into James' face.  They had been baking for the party.

            This was how things should have been.  At twenty years old, Lily and James should be enjoying their young married lives- enjoying Harry's childhood.  Sirius felt that he and James should have been out getting smashed, not going to extremely lengthy meetings of the Order.  Not that Sirius didn't want to help the Order of the Phoenix- he was ready to do anything necessary to bring about the demise of Voldemort, but he wished dearly that it wasn't needed.

            Sirius was brought out of his musings abruptly by the sound of baby Harry choking.  It seemed that the cigarette smoke Sirius had just created was drifting downwards towards him.  Sirius muttered a spell and the smoke vanished and was replaced by a vague lemon fragrance.  He thought he heard some giggling coming from the kitchen, and several metallic kitchen devices were knocked to the floor amid clattering.  

            James and Lily came back into the room, both distinctly ruffled and both covered in a large quantity of flour.

            'Guess what I am?'  James asked.  A number of very inappropriate things came to Sirius' mind, but, after shooting a cautious look at Lily, settled on replying:

            'A snot-faced git?'

            'No, I'm a ghost!' James slurred happily.  It seemed that he had partaken in the pre-party consumption of their Hallowe'en liquor as well.  

            'What's that, then?' Sirius asked, gesturing to Lily, 'Bride of the Ghost?'

            'Oh!' Lily tittered, 'James, you've gotten me covered as well!'  She was quite red in the face and her eyes were rather glazed over.  Lily was never very good at holding her drink.  She and James sat down on the sofa together, sending a cloud of white powder up around them.  Lily coughed and then giggled madly.

            'I can't believe what poor examples you're setting for your young and impressible son,' Sirius told them in mock-outrage, 'And _what_ will Remus say when he gets here, eh?  I thought your mother had raised you better than that!'

            'Pa'foo!'  Harry agreed happily.  

            'Where are Remus and Peter, by the way?  Aren't they supposed to be here about now?' Sirius asked, glancing up at the clock, which read six twenty-three.  

            'Oh, I'm sure they'll be along soon,' James said happily, gazing into Lily's eyes, 'Oh, speaking of which, Sirius, shouldn't you be changing soon?'

            'That reminds me!  James, I've had a new idea!' Sirius said excitedly, leaping to his feet, 'Here, Lily, take the child,' Sirius said, gently plopping the obese pumpkin into Lily's lap.  

            'A new idea?  Wicked!'  James said with equal enthusiasm, 'Let's go work it out!'  On that note, Sirius shot a furtive glance at Lily before following James into the large cupboard-sized room which contained the greater amount of the Potters's magical items.

_~Saturday, 31 October 1981, 8.07 pm~_

            'Dammit, Lily!  We can't just sit around and wait like this!'  James cursed angrily, slamming his hand on the table.  

            'Shhh!  You're going to wake Harry up,' Lily softly chided, worry apparent in all of her features.

            'Don't fucking ignore him!  We have to do something, and if you don't go, I will!'  Sirius, irate, rose from the chintz arm-chair before the Potter's fire and made to go for the fire-place.

            'James, Sirius, we're supposed to wait!  Dumbledore'll sort this all out, we just have to be patient.'  Lily reasoned, pulling Sirius back down into his chair and resting her hand on James's knee to prevent any more irrational actions.  

            'Remus isn't home and Peter's fireplace's been blocked up.  Don't tell me to be patient!' James said, grabbing his wand off the coffee table.  

            'I know…' Lily sighed, cradling her forehead in her hands, 'I know… it's just that, well, Dumbledore-'

            'Shit, Lily, don't bring him into this!  I'm sure 'he's got our best interests at heart,' but I for one am not going to sacrifice Remus to secure myself!' Sirius bellowed, rising once more, 'I'm going to check through the Floo one more time, and if Remus doesn't answer, I'm going to find him.'  

            'Sirius, please, you know the Floo network isn't secure, we've already taken so many risks tonight-'

            At that moment, a number of strange things happened: as Sirius leaned towards the fireplace, a blast like a cannon sent him flying across the room amidst a cloud of debris, still fully dressed in 'Dracula' garb; Lily was thrown by the blast into James's lap; and Dumbledore, accompanied by a very weary-looking Remus, appeared out of thin air  onto the coffee table.

            'Sirius!'  Remus gasped ashen-faced and holding on to Dumbledore for support, 'It was Peter!'  

End of Chapter Two

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and I'm very sorry that I haven't updated in such a long while.  I took a mini-break weekend last, and I've been busy playing catch-up ever since.

_Thanks to _Inuyasha-lover601, Cate-Rowden, Broken Infinity, LeCoeur, Liebling, Sylvia, sa-chan5, Tani, Padfoot, OriginAnonymous, thewalrus1, marauders4ever, BlackPhoenixTears, _and _Trance3 _for your reviews!  They really mean quite a lot to me, and the more I get, the more inspired I become to write more.  Perhaps I shall have more detailed responses in the future, but I'm trying to hurry up a bit and get this chapter out!_

_~Julia Rose           _


End file.
